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10 May 2008 @ 09:21 am
So I have just discovered the best way to get me out of bed is to threaten me with the presence of a spider in my room. Stupid irrational fear it may be, but it woke me up.

I may have to do this bullet point form in order to attempt to achieve coherency.

- I have recently discovered that the couple in the room next door to me own a lizard of some description that they feed live insects to. I made this discovery by encountering an escapee black cricket on the stairs in the middle of the night. That little incident provoked some phobia-related hysteria, joy.

- New Doctor Who: I adore Donna Noble. It's annoying that bits of Catherine Tate's characters seem to slip in from time to time, but besides that, she's quite wonderful. I am getting a bit sick of the poorly devised plots - perhaps they should rename the show, "Sonic Screwdrivers will get you out of any problem you can imagine!!!11!!" Still enjoying it though.

- Uni work is going very slowly. I have 2 weeks left to get everything done and it's not looking too hopeful at the moment. It doesn't help that I keep having nightmares about failing. We're in the process of constructing our show at the moment. I will be heading into the studio shortly to paint my boards, which I am looking forward to. If all else fails, I will have empty boards that look good!

- I am running low on chocolate supplies. :(

- My Haribo supplies have recently been repleted. :)

- In TMI news, after 10 years of having a disgusting toenail, it is finally getting treated. Hopefully in 6 months, I will have a normal toenail again. (10 years ago, at school, during a game of netball, someone jumped on my toe. The thing swelled up in a bruise, with a lot of pressure beneath the nail. A few weeks later, the nail came off and at that time contracted some kind of infection.) Yes, it's taken me this long to sort it out. Mind you, I have had more pressing health problems, such as madness.

- I am spending far too much money at the moment. It's all going on paint, business cards, vinyl lettering... I havn't even thought about how I'm going to get my work printed and mounted, but I know that will be hideously expensive.

- I really need to update my portfolio website.

- Dear Radio 1: It's just Maidstone. Capital of chavs and generally a grotty place. Get over it. Ugh.

Better get ready to go do some painting. I also need to go extract cash from a hole in the wall. Wish me luck with completing my work and avoiding a complete breakdown!!!
09 April 2008 @ 09:01 pm
Found out today that my mental illness entitles me to an extra 10 days after the project deadline to spend on my work.

It is a relief to know that extra time is there if I need it (I intend to aim for the original deadline), but I can't help but feel like a fraud.
I can't shake off the idea that I shouldn't get extra help just because I'm less motivated to work than other people. None of my coursemates know about my extension yet and I don't really want to tell them because I don't want to have to explain - I don't do telling people I'm mad - I save all that whinging for here. But it's going to become apparent when I don't submit my technical drawings next Monday, and the rest of them do, that I have an extension. Joy.


I really feel like a fake. I seem to spend most of my time sleeping or staring into space. I do find it difficult to concentrate on anything for very long - again this entry is taking me forever. But maybe if I just 'pulled my socks up' and stopped being so pathetic and lazy I would actually achieve something. I know self criticism only makes things worse, grrrrrr. I feel a bit like an addict or something - I can only deal with my problem once I admit it exists. I suppose I should believe my doctor and psychiatrist who tell me I have depression, but it's tough to accept an invisible illness.

07 April 2008 @ 08:56 pm
When I'm stressed I seem to get symptoms of Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Ok, tmi there.

I have also observed that I tend to favour synonyms containing more syllables as my anxiety heightens.

I have been playing freerice.com obsessively of late and have actually increased my vocabulary. I have been especially delighted whilst reading Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell* to have encountered several of my newly acquired words: augury and caravanserai the most noteworthy thus far.

*Wherein I return to a more base vernacular: this is a bloody good book which requires at least two read throughs.

Back to attempting to complete my degree and wresting my attention from the window.
05 April 2008 @ 05:21 pm
I can't believe it's taken me till now to see the Indy IV trailer. So exciting. I want to make films dammit! Second to making rides that is. :)
05 April 2008 @ 02:36 pm
Finished my dissertation! Woooo! It was handed in on Tuesday, so that's one module out of four done. Although now I'm convinced it's far below what I could have achieved if I'd put more time and effort in. I wish I didn't have such a short attention span and a propensity to fall asleep every couple of hours. Oh well.

Ugh, even now, I can't concentrate on writing - I'm distracted by staring aimlessly out of the window.

There's only 6 weeks left to complete my degree, which is a ridiculously short amount of time for the amount of work I have to do. And following that, there's The Future. I've sent my cv and portfolio to a couple of design companies, but apparently they can't be bothered to reply to me, which is incredibly frustrating. I wish they'd just tell me to bugger off if they aren't interested, but the complete lack of reply leaves me in limbo. Grrrr. So, if you happen to have a theme design company and are looking for a junior designer/visualiser, let me know? Lol!

At least in 6 weeks time, whether I've done any work or not, this particular source of stress will be over! And I currently have a substantial amount of chocolate to aid in my endeavours!

I need to decide what work to put together for my graduation show. Being an exhibition design student puts a little more pressure on this, as I ought to be able to design a really good show! :/ I want to make a model to show part of one of my projects, but don't really know what to do. I'd also love to do some animation, but again don't know what I would animate. And now it's making my head hurt. :(

In excellent news, the new series of Doctor Who begins this evening!
13 March 2008 @ 06:48 pm
Ugh, having a crappy day today. :(

I've worked out I'm so tired all the time because all my energy goes on being angry... about everything! I really want to comfort eat but I feel queasy. vent vent vent.
05 March 2008 @ 04:41 pm
Back from India and trying to catch up with everything!!!

I could write a book about the trip and I will try to write up as much as I can, but I also have 3 weeks to do a hell of a lot of uni work. :(

In summation: the wedding was *amazing*; India is both wonderful and terrifying! The whole experience was brilliant, but I am glad to be back!

Hope you are all well! x
09 February 2008 @ 10:00 pm
I just need the world to stop for a while so I can stop worrying about everything. Grrrr.
I also shouldn't watch dramas about young women who attempt suicide, stupid triggers. :(

But I'm ok! Sometimes I need a good cry to let off some steam!

I've been meaning to post for a while and of course, now, I can't remember what I was going to write. It was obviously something thrilling.
Yet another week has flown by and my stress levels are increasing. If I would stop being anxious for half an hour or so, I could actually use that time constructively. But I'm too busy hand wringing all the time. And I'm starting to wind myself up, so I'm going to shut up, eat some junk food and go to bed.
07 February 2008 @ 10:05 pm
I want to post a proper entry, and reply to comments from the last, but I'm too tired and stressed out at the moment.
However, I do have to respond to this: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7233335.stm

"Dr Rowan Williams said the UK had to "face up to the fact" some citizens do not relate to the British legal system."

What saddens me most is not the incredible absurdity of this man's comments; it's the fact that they have been aired to the country on mainstream media.

Why can't all insane people on a power trip have equal access to this platform? Let's all get our ridiculous ideas broadcast on the BBC and spark national debate. I'll start; a ban on umbrellas for the danger they present to eyeballs.
26 January 2008 @ 02:44 pm
I really need to learn to refuse chocolates from other people (unless it's something nice and friendly like Cadbury's normal stuff). It turned out the chocolate my friend gave me had hazelnut paste in it. Fortunately I just had some mild irritation in my mouth last night (after eating it). However, right now I'm having abdominal cramps and the only reason I can think of for this is a delayed allergic reaction, ughhhh. :(
And the boiler in our house is broken, so no heating for me, woohoo.

I think I should just crawl back into bed.