I left Lincoln yesterday and I'm back at my parents', surrounded by boxes and bags of stuff that I should probably get rid of.

Managed to pull together my degree show and was even happy with part of it (not the other part and I keep going over how much better it could have been if I'd worked harder).

Feeling very disillusioned with myself and my potential and questioning the futility of my ambitions. Maybe it's time to stop daydreaming and develop something resembling a life. :/

My body cannot cope with pollen, which is fun and sneezy.

Have an interview tomorrow which I maybe should be excited about, except I don't think there's actually a position available and they're just seeing me to get me to stop phoning and emailing all the time. But I'll know more about that in about 14 hours.

Despite appearances to the contrary, things are pretty ok at the moment, got things to look forward too as well. Obviously just in a whingey mood.

Wow, I'm out of practice... one glass of wine and everything;s going numb. But at least it's making me feel warm in this big cold house.

Keep meaning to update properly but I'm being crap at the moment. Sleeping more than being awake and having twisted dreams. Whee alcohol! :p

Before it goes to a charity shop (which I think would be rather pointless in the UK)...

I have a brand new copy of Spiderman 2 on DVD for Region 1. It's a 2 disc special edition and while I would absolutely love to watch it, I have no way of playing region 1 DVDs. So I would like it to go to someone who can watch it.

If you'd like it, leave a comment and I'll email for your address. Don't worry about p&p.

If no one responds in about a week, I guess it'll have to go to a charity shop, but I would rather it didn't because I'm sure some unsuspecting person would not realise it's the wrong region! :(

Dr Who + Steven Moffat = pure genious. OMG, best episode & it continues next week. I cannot wait.

I was proud of this till I scanned it in! Oh well. I have a nice blister to show for my colouring skills anyway. :p

Arghhhh, got a week left and so much work to do for my final show!!!!!!!! I shouldn't be online!! But if I didn't have lj my insanity would be greater.

So I have just discovered the best way to get me out of bed is to threaten me with the presence of a spider in my room. Stupid irrational fear it may be, but it woke me up.

I may have to do this bullet point form in order to attempt to achieve coherency.

- I have recently discovered that the couple in the room next door to me own a lizard of some description that they feed live insects to. I made this discovery by encountering an escapee black cricket on the stairs in the middle of the night. That little incident provoked some phobia-related hysteria, joy.

- New Doctor Who: I adore Donna Noble. It's annoying that bits of Catherine Tate's characters seem to slip in from time to time, but besides that, she's quite wonderful. I am getting a bit sick of the poorly devised plots - perhaps they should rename the show, "Sonic Screwdrivers will get you out of any problem you can imagine!!!11!!" Still enjoying it though.

- Uni work is going very slowly. I have 2 weeks left to get everything done and it's not looking too hopeful at the moment. It doesn't help that I keep having nightmares about failing. We're in the process of constructing our show at the moment. I will be heading into the studio shortly to paint my boards, which I am looking forward to. If all else fails, I will have empty boards that look good!

- I am running low on chocolate supplies. :(

- My Haribo supplies have recently been repleted. :)

- In TMI news, after 10 years of having a disgusting toenail, it is finally getting treated. Hopefully in 6 months, I will have a normal toenail again. (10 years ago, at school, during a game of netball, someone jumped on my toe. The thing swelled up in a bruise, with a lot of pressure beneath the nail. A few weeks later, the nail came off and at that time contracted some kind of infection.) Yes, it's taken me this long to sort it out. Mind you, I have had more pressing health problems, such as madness.

- I am spending far too much money at the moment. It's all going on paint, business cards, vinyl lettering... I havn't even thought about how I'm going to get my work printed and mounted, but I know that will be hideously expensive.

- I really need to update my portfolio website.

- Dear Radio 1: It's just Maidstone. Capital of chavs and generally a grotty place. Get over it. Ugh.

Better get ready to go do some painting. I also need to go extract cash from a hole in the wall. Wish me luck with completing my work and avoiding a complete breakdown!!!

Found out today that my mental illness entitles me to an extra 10 days after the project deadline to spend on my work.

It is a relief to know that extra time is there if I need it (I intend to aim for the original deadline), but I can't help but feel like a fraud.
I can't shake off the idea that I shouldn't get extra help just because I'm less motivated to work than other people. None of my coursemates know about my extension yet and I don't really want to tell them because I don't want to have to explain - I don't do telling people I'm mad - I save all that whinging for here. But it's going to become apparent when I don't submit my technical drawings next Monday, and the rest of them do, that I have an extension. Joy.

Ugh.

I really feel like a fake. I seem to spend most of my time sleeping or staring into space. I do find it difficult to concentrate on anything for very long - again this entry is taking me forever. But maybe if I just 'pulled my socks up' and stopped being so pathetic and lazy I would actually achieve something. I know self criticism only makes things worse, grrrrrr. I feel a bit like an addict or something - I can only deal with my problem once I admit it exists. I suppose I should believe my doctor and psychiatrist who tell me I have depression, but it's tough to accept an invisible illness.

:(

When I'm stressed I seem to get symptoms of Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Ok, tmi there.

I have also observed that I tend to favour synonyms containing more syllables as my anxiety heightens.

I have been playing freerice.com obsessively of late and have actually increased my vocabulary. I have been especially delighted whilst reading Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell* to have encountered several of my newly acquired words: augury and caravanserai the most noteworthy thus far.

*Wherein I return to a more base vernacular: this is a bloody good book which requires at least two read throughs.

Back to attempting to complete my degree and wresting my attention from the window.